We here at Geeking Out About… are pleased and proud to announce the winners of our very first contest ever.
To recap, the rules of the contest were as follows, and liberally liberated from the LiveJournal Daily Quiz:
- On Monday, June 28, we posted 10 trivia questions pertaining to the Twilight movies, the books, and/or the fandom.
- Entrants were to answer those questions in the most entertaining way possible. These answers didn’t necessarily need to be correct.
- All of those answers were emailed to us on or before July 9 and myself, co-editor Jillian Pullara and lead movie reviewer Lyssa Spero each chose an entry whose combined answers we liked the best. We also chose Honorable Mention answers to feature in this announcement post because hey, we like publishing funny things.
At this time we’d like to thank LJDQ co-moderators Angledge, Chaosvizier, and LoveLlama for going on hiatus last week and driving traffic towards us.
Each grand prize winner will each receive a $15 gift certificate to either Amazon.com, iTunes, or the online retailer of their choice. In an additional change from the previous rules, we will also be selecting six honorable mention winners who will each be receiving a little “surprise” gift by regular U.S. Postal Service mail as a thank you for participating.
So without further ado, let’s start the show!
1. What was the inspiration behind the Twilight series of novels?
“It was underwritten by a grant from British Petroleum, proving that even years ago, they were able to take something deep, dark and oily and turn it into something truly horrific.” – CaptainsBlog
“My Immortal” – Andrew Shumway
“A bored Mormon housewife’s secret desire for necrophilia and bestiality, apparently” – Doug Bean
“A middle-aged Mormon woman’s somewhat unhealthy obsession with pale teenagers, sequined jumpsuits, and adverbs. Lord, the adverbs.” – Duke
“One evening, after going on a bender of Caffeine Free Diet Coke and Mentos, Stephanie Meyers had a fever dream about abusive sparkling douchebags running around and trying to be chivalrous towards vapid airheaded bitches. She did this bender because she also knew that Anne Rice was a raging alcoholic when she wrote most of her vampire novels, but being a Mormon housewife, she wanted to water it down so she could show her face at church the next day.” – Tim K.
“Too many margaritas on a hot day during that time of month, after re-reading Anne Rice and Fred Saberhagen.” – Ginger
Correct Answer: “The most boring sex dream ever.” – Helloooonurse
2. Each “vampire” in Edward Cullen’s family has a special power. Name at least three.
“Telekinesis, the ability to set fire to things with one’s mind and turning into a bat… no wait, I mistake Twilight for something awesome!” – Alex
“The ability to transcend every vampire stereotype and still be called a vampire. “ – Calusmacn
“1) The ability to stare, unblinking, for hours on end. 2) The ability to replace a broken disco ball and keep the party going. 3) The ability to make even a turtleneck sweater look awesomely goffic.” – Andrew Shumway
Correct Answer: “Edward Cullen has the ability to sparkle gayer than any other man around(or he can read minds that aren’t Bella’s. Whatever.), Alice has the ability to be the only one people can stand to be around for more than 2 seconds (or she sees the future. Which probably is what helps her be not annoying.), and Jasper has the ability to look like he constantly has to shit and is holding it in (or he can manipulate emotions..)” – Faberry
3. What are the things about Bella Swan’s personality which make many people claim she’s a Mary Sue?
“Bella has a personality? Who knew?” – CaptainsBlog
“Bella Swan has a personality? C’mon that’s just… am I being ‘Punked’?” – Duke
“Bella has a personality? I though she was an empty shell into which impressionable young women could insert themselves and live out their fantasies vicariously” -Alex
(And apparently, wealthy male investment firm owners as well. – TL)
“Her ability to win friends and alienate people like she’s the freakin’ Fonz. Also, she is horribly clumsy. But worry not! Edward carries her everywhere, so she’s never in danger.” – OMGItsSarah and Theremin
Correct Answer (complete with spoilers): “Personally, I felt she was a Mary Sue due to the following: She immediately has Edward fawn all over her, she constantly has men tripping over themselves trying to impress her while she believes she is the ugliest person alive, she automatically has the ability to not nom on a human because she understands its wrong, she controls her powers almost immediately and she is immune to (almost) all other vampires skills. Oh and did I mention how “incredibly beautiful” she saw she was after she was transformed and how she didn’t die after a baby chewed its way out of her uterus and how she managed to get Jacob to follow her around until she had her kid because “he was in love”? Yeah. Mary Sue.” – Faberry, who is totally awesome and nice
(Extra credit reading, courtesy of Kamilla. – TL)
4. How many guys at Bella’s new high school asked her to the dance, and in what order did they do it?
“I have no idea. I didn’t pay attention because I was too busy trying not to vomit when reading about it.” – Faberry
(At least you’re honest about it. – TL)
“I’m a little unclear on the plot here, but I don’t think “kidnapping someone on your motorcycle” means “asking someone to the dance.”” – Doug Bean.
(Alas, it’s not kidnapping if the girl willingly mounts your motorcycle in order to make her hallucinations more real. – TL)
Correct Answer: “Three. The 1st was Gumpy White Comic Relief Dude, the 2nd was Nerdy Asian Camera Guy, and the 3rd was Bad Boy African American Who Can’t Seem To Drive Safely. This order was determined by the appearance of each one’s racial stereotype on Disney’s “It’s A Small Small World” ride. Mmm, that’s good diversity.” – Duke
“Seriously, if a guy I barely knew almost ran me down, and I went on a date with him, how would that lovely conversation go? “So, haha, you almost killed me, but you seem like a nice guy.” “Yeah, haha, sorry about that almost killing you. I’m a total douche when it comes to girls. Here, have some artichoke dip.” “I’m allergic to artichoke…”” – Kamilla
5. The treaty between Jacob Black’s tribe and the Cullens can be breached in at least two ways. Name one.
“All things can be breached with a battering ram. And some explosives. If those fail, a ‘yo momma’ insult does wonders to start a war.” – Bart H.
“By trying to be interesting.” – George Marriott
“If either Jacob or any of the Cullens ever wear plaid, play the bagpipes, or eat haggis, the one member of the other side is allowed to whack them with a gold-plated golf club.” – Alfaven
“The wolves just want the vampires to stay off their lawn. Oh, and not eat anyone.” – Helloooonurse
Correct Answer: “They remembered the “no biting humans, mmkay? That’s bad,” clause, but forgot the “no sparkling,” clause. Without that clause, the werewolves are in serious danger of the Cullens taking the town by storm in the form of a twinkling, blood suckling Partridge family stage act. “ – Kamilla
6. What was James’ plan to lure Bella away from her protectors?
“I’m just going to quote from the book because it’s a very complicated scene, “Disguised as a cool goffic guy in the mall James shouts “Hey Bella! look over their! Hot Topic is having a clearance sale on its clearance items!” and she falls rite into the cleverly disgized hole in the floor that she didnt see becauxe she was looking at all the cool goffic stuff like skulls and hairclips that look exactly like spiderswebs.”” – Andrew Shumway
(-1, for tricking my copy-editing skills. – TL)
“Hang something shiny in a tree, she’d think it was Edward and she’d blindly walk into any trap he laid out. One can say many thinks about Bella but “She’s intelligent and has common sense” isn’t one of them.” – Bart H.
“Be a cold-hearted dick and treat her like a piece of meat. Oh, wait, sorry, that was Edward. ZING!” – Duke
“Two words: snack cakes.” – Tim K.
Correct Answer: “Use her Mother against her. Which she was stupid enough to fall for. What would a person with two brain cells to rub together do? CALL THEIR MOTHER AND TALK TO HER! “ – Faberry
(In Meyers’ defense—I can’t believe I’m actually defending this!—in the movie we almost never see her mom with a cell phone so it’s not like Bella could have verified that James had kidnapped her by calling it. And even if Bella’s mom had a cell, wouldn’t it stand to reason that the evil nasty vampire would have broken it? – TL)
“Bee-tee-dub, I always run away to my childhood ballet class, hundreds of miles away, when I know super fast, super strong vampires are out to kill me. It just makes sense.” – Kamilla
7. For how long does Bella mope during New Moon, and how does this passage of time get portrayed in the novel?
“Bella only mopes for about five minutes but Stephenie Meyer is so awesome that she turns it into fifteen pages of heart-wrenching teenage angst that should totally win the Pulitzer or something.” – Andrew Shumway
“Using a daring new form of literary expression, Meyer emulates the feeling of monotony that Bella experiences during this period by opening a speech bracket, and then mashing on her keyboard for approximately seventeen pages before closing the speech bracket.” – OMG It’s Sarah and Theremin
“12 years. Portrayed in an agonisingly prosaic day by day account of her sitting under a tree, pining.” – Alex
(+1, bad pun – TL)
“If the film follows the novel at that point the correct answer is “a fucking long time” and it is portrayed like in any other book: with loads of text on loads of pages saying stuff like “twas winter” or “months later”” – Bart H.
Correct Answer: “By writing the month down on the page, and nothing else. I would say by an ellipsis but that’s a bit advanced. But Bella never stopped moping. In fact, she’s moping while I’m writing this. “ – Calusmacn
8. What is Jacob’s secret, and how does it get revealed?
“When Bella accidentally steps into their kitchen during dinner and discovers that Jacob isn’t getting Alpo but just the regular brand.” – CaptainsBlog
“He is actually an alien. Bella found E.T.’s number and a whole bunch of texts and pics on Jacob’s cell phone and confronted him about it. This is by far my favorite part of the series because Bella totally keys “GO HOME” on E.T.’s ride as revenge.” – Andrew Shumway
“*cough*gay*cough* — He hangs out with only shirtless boys. You figure it out.” – Doug Bean
“He, unlike all the other guys in the book, is straight and it is revealed when they find him having sex with a girl. Pre-marital sex even.” – Bart H.
“Jacob’s secret is that he’s actually the ancient guardian of the island, which is revealed during that episode with Allison Janney” – Alfvaen
(+1, “LOST” – TL)
“His secret is that he was a child actor in a really bad 3D movie about a young Aquaman wannabe and his older sister trying to save the school from closing down by forming a choir of misfits to revamp sacred choral pieces while fighting off Dissociative Identity Disorder which is forcing them to get into fist fights with themselves. This is revealed by searching IMDB.” – Tim K.
(FULL CREDIT – TL)
Correct Answer: He fursplodes after Bella smacks one of his fellow werewolves across the face, and the creature understandably gets upset and starts threatening her.
9. Bella performs “thrill-seeking” acts in to try and become closer to Edward Cullen. Name at least one.
“You really want me to say masturbation here don’t you? Pervert. She probably sacrifices cats or something… while masturbating. DAMNIT” – Alex
“She went to a Harry Potter gathering yelling “Twilight is, like, so much better than, like Harry Potter”” – Bart H.
“Cage fighting, cliff diving, shark boxing. Cliff diving while shark boxing.” – Calusmacn
(One out of three ain’t bad. – TL)
Correct Answer: 1) Accepts a ride from a leering man on a motorcycle, 2) Rides off on her own motorcycle without a helmet, c) Jumps off of a cliff into the Pacific Ocean.
10. Of all the lines from the novel to include in Twilight the movie, which is the one that fans have actually tattooed on their bodies and why? (Extra points if you send pictures; there may be multiple correct answers, but we’re thinking of one in particular.)
“Yeah, there is no way I am even going to contemplate any of the possibilities… I’d like to keep my sanity intact.” – Bart H.
(+1, self-preservation – TL)
“”I DID IT WITH A VAMPIRE AND A WEREWOLF”” – Doug Bean
“Heghlu’meH QaQ jajvam” – Ginger
“Be safe (I actually know a girl who got this tattooed on her wrist. we laughed behind her back for a good month and a half)” – Shana
— “This poor girl apparently got the entire novel tattooed on herself” – OMGItsSarah and Theremin
Correct Answer: “Being a constant troll of Ugliest Tattoos.com, I can say that there are oh-so many—usually horrendously, hilariously misspelled—but the one I’ve seen the most, which, ironically, is still the dumbest—is the one about pedophilia and Noah’s ark animals. That’s right, “So the lion fell in love with the lamb.” This quote pretty much gets everything right—Edward is a big pussy obsessed with a baby sheep” – Kamilla
“And why not? It’s profound as shit. It’s bound to go down in history as one of the great Biblical paraphrases, along with “And so God was like, ‘Yo, let’s turn the lights on.'” – Duke
Thanks again to our many entrants, but of course, there can be only three. So it’s with great pride that we announce the following grand prize winners:
I will be contacting each of you (and those six surprise honorable mention winners) via email to get your full contact info for either the gift certificate ordering or the mailing and you should be receiving your prizes within a week.
Look for our next contest in August and always remember to play the LiveJournal Daily Quiz!